Joe Tex – “Ain’t Gonna Bump No More”
Going through record bins at a local thrift store, I laugh aloud when flicking fickle fingers find quite the surprise to my eyes: the 12-inch single of Joe Tex – “Ain’t Gonna Bump No More”.
I snag it immediately, fond memories of it playing on the radio as teenaged Jaméz listened to this song joyously with friends.
‘Ain’t Gonna Bump…’, penned by Tex and Buddy Killen, is from the 1977 Joe Tex album “Bumps & Bruises”.
At the time of its release during the 4 or 5 years of the disco era, the big dance craze of the day was neither The Hustle nor The Freak, but The Bump. Joe and Buddy seized the moment to create this hilarious parody of the fad.
Joe sings of how he was at the disco, rarin’ to go and ready to get on down. A woman joins him on the dance floor. She does a dip and nearly breaks his hip as she knocks him down doing The Bump.
From there the first chorus begins, “I ain’t gon’ bump no more with no big fat woman”.
With an intro subltely influenced by the aforementioned “The Hustle” by Van McCoy (1975), ‘Ain’t Gon’ Bump…’ goes on for a total of 6 minutes, 45 seconds of disco mockery.
The song reached number 12 on the Billboard Hot 100, and 7 on the Billboard R&B charts. Pre-dating MTV, there is no official music video, but I remember a televised performance in which an attractive plus-sized woman joins Joe on stage. Of course, he falls to the floor with the first bump of her hip.
Hard to imagine the light-hearted romp would get any play at all in today’s uber PC, ism-phobic world. I certainly don’t have the stones to put it in a dj set.
Still, as cringe as ‘Ain’t Gon’ Bump…’ might seem, any offense pales compared to its B-side, “Be Cool (Willie Is Dancing With A Sissy)”.
“But let me hush my mouth, ’cause that might be his bag” – Joe Tex
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